Monday, February 18, 2019

Corpus Christi (for Ted)

TX - Corpus Christi Harbor Bridge under construction
Corpus Christi Harbor Bridge, Texas Department of Transportation

"She is the manifestation of our collective will not only to survive, but to thrive as a nation of free people.  On behalf of the United States, thank you to all the men and women who have touched this fine ship, who have designed her, built her, took care of her and sailed in her."
-Commander Travis Petzoldt, Commanding Officer, USS City of Corpus Christi (SSN 705), decommissioning ceremony
    
    I left my motel room, drove further south on I-37, and took the exit to get to Ted's ranch. It was the summer of 2009.  I had just finished grad school in Toronto and flown to Dallas to spend a weekend with my best friend from college.  The following weekend, I would meet back up with him and the rest of my college friends for our unofficial five-year reunion at one of the guys’ family’s ranch, near the nowhere town of Frost.  There, we would drink and eat like morons for 48 hours before going back to our jobs in finance and law.  In between those two weekends, I visited other people in Texas.  This included Blue Feather, my older Navajo shaman friend who, with his wife, had adopted me as their grandson of sorts when I was stationed in Texas.  I had met Blue at the one alternative, hippie cafe--the sole demilitarized zone--in Corpus.  It was the same place actually where Ted had met his wife, Heather. 
At the end of this summer, I would head to Uganda for a year and a half with a volunteer-teaching program.  In Uganda, sure, I might have done a little good, and I did without some luxuries, but all in all, it was a fairly privileged jaunt.  In short, my post-navy life was adventurous and pretty carefree.  With some savings (from having been overpaid vis-a-vis the social value I provided as a naval officer) and with no major attachments, I moved where I wanted to and when.   
The no-man’s land between San Antonio and Corpus Christi had always struck me as ugly, when I was stationed down there.  Now, though still very desolate, it struck me as almost pretty.  And if not actually pretty, then gritty, with a sort of hidden beauty, in the way that non-gritty outsiders can pontificate about at least.  Maybe it was my allegory for Ted. 
The waning, late-afternoon Texas sun welcomed me into his driveway.  I hadn’t seen my good friend in three years, after he left the USS Pelican.  Some time after him, I too had bested Captain Ahab and the non-seagoing Pelican and got to leave Texas as well.  Then, we completed our respective next tours--mine in Japan, Ted’s in San Diego--and thus survived the surface navy, intact.  Oddly enough, this reunion was back in the Lone Star State, where we swore we would never return--me, “the gun-hatin’ liberal from the North” and Ted, “the wrong type of Mexican for Texas” (both Ahab-attributed epithets).  Yet, my facial and unkempt hair and light-hearted smile gave all indications of civilian life.  All was to be ok.  This was a triumphal reunion. 
            I timidly stayed near my rental car on the clay and asphalt driveway, away from the two angry mastiffs yelling at me.  I wasn’t sure I was at the right ranch, and I had read somewhere (a thousand times) that I shouldn’t mess with Texas.  Heather came out of the trailer home, calmed the dogs, and greeted me.  I didn’t know Heather too well, but it was good to see her.  She had represented the non-navy Corpus Christi world for me--and certainly for Ted--and for that alone, I held her in high regard.  We made small talk until Ted came home shortly thereafter.  The mastiffs barked more warmly for him.
He and I walked around the ranch with bottles of cheap beer in hand.  He had bought these thirty acres right after San Diego.  The trailer was temporary until they could build something less mobile, he told me, but he didn’t need to apologize for any frugality.  We caught up and recalled our non-war war stories from the Pelican.  Mike putting a cold .38 special in Ted’s stomach as they drove to a movie just to show off his new toy and mess with Ted, who was the driver by the way.  Ahab threatening to “step on Castro’s dick.”  Supply and Engineering Departments’ loyal patronage of the Russian call girls at Seashells in Bahrain.  The mutiny against Ahab--is it still technically a mutiny if the ship is tied to the pier?  Mike pressing the alarm button on the walkie-talkies every time XO Kim tried to say something.  Ted and I getting chased by the cops after the karaoke fight at the Chalet Lounge in Ingleside, now just ninety minutes south of this reunion. 
We imagined Ahab at the edge of the ranch that night, with one of his sic semper tyrannis, NRA-sponsored semi-automatic rifles, hiding in the bushes, looking to avenge his mutineers.  He had, off the record, promised to “get every single one of [us] motherfuckers back.”  Ted and I laughed triumphantly, as we recalled the Pelican.  We had lived through that ship and that shit. 
When I first met him in Bahrain in 2004, Ted was 30 going on 55.  He seemed to already have lived three lifetimes, and as a byproduct, he developed a beautiful gallows humor, of which both Vonnegut and Joseph Heller would be proud.  A humor that had been incubated, birthed, and sharpened by a lifetime of visits to the gallows, both before I ever him and during his tour on the Pelican.  He possessed the heartiest of laughs, so hearty that it rattled in his interlocutor’s ears and soul.  His laugh still reverberates with me.
Bakersfield, Ted's home, sits at the bottom of the San Joaquin Valley and is surrounded by a three-sided mountain range.  It was a country town when he was a kid, he described to me, with the economy being driven by oil and agriculture.  Ted’s mom’s father was, generations back, of Welsh descent.  He was an Okie, who left the Dust Bowl for California, along with Steinbeck’s Joads and the thousands of other families.  Ted’s mom, Linda, grew up in Bakersfield.  Ted’s father, Ted Senior, was from Bakersfield too, mostly Mexican but part Greek.
Ted Senior was stationed at Fort Bragg with the army. He was on duty one evening when Linda was raped in their trailer park.  They already had one boy, and Linda was eight months pregnant carrying Ted.  The family moved back to Bakersfield, and Ted was born prematurely due to the rape.  Ted Senior was discharged from the army due to “hardship,” and then he left Linda because he was embarrassed by the rape, by the hardship, as Ted tells it.  Linda and her two boys stayed with her parents for a short time until they were asked to leave.  Linda’s father, the Okie, hated the fact that the boys were mixed blood and the fact that his daughter had been raped by a man who happened to be black.  “The doctors thought I would die due to complications in birth, and I lost weight,” Ted told me.  They lived on the streets and later found shelter in Linda’s friend’s shed. “Well, I made it anyway,” he proclaimed and followed with his signature laugh.
By the time we met then, Ted’s life held wisdom and heartbreak that I couldn’t fully appreciate.  I was a snarky yet sheltered kid from Notre Dame and, before that, from white suburbia prep school-dom.  On the face of it, he probably should have hated me.  But, he took a liking to me.  Or, in such close quarters on our little minesweeper, he had no choice but to spend time with me.  He looked out for me.  He shielded me from senior officers on-ship and buy-me-drinky girls off-ship, and, as he was prior enlisted, he gave me advice about the sailors in my division.  I thought I knew music, but he introduced me to the Killers--their first album, Hot Fuss, had just been released--Tom Waits, Merle Haggard, and Okkervil River.  I thought I knew books, but he introduced me to Kazantzakis and re-introduced me to Steinbeck, both explicitly by book suggestions and implicitly by his own life, whose topography in the San Joaquin Valley was akin to Steinbeck’s characters’ in the neighboring Salinas Valley.  At least it seemed so, to an easterner who had been to neither.  I thought I might become a priest in my future, post-navy, still-prude-and-pious life, but he talked about women and love like he was one of Garcia-Marquez’s magical, holy fools-in-love.  That love might not have been the most realistic love.  It’s what got Florentino Ariza in trouble so often and maybe what would eventually trip up Ted, but it sounded lovely enough to rule out celibacy.  On every other person, I would have said that the orange-gold 1976 Cadillac would have been a waste of money in Texas--a bad, junior-enlisted-sailor-type financial decision--but Ted made it work and drove that boat like the goddamn naval officer he was.  He had joined the navy for “the romance of the sea” after all, as he told his recruiter.
After the Pelican, we didn’t stay in great touch, and I probably would not have considered him my closest friend.  But because of that uniquely Orwellian-Mel Brooksian experience together at Naval Station Ingleside, his friendship was one of the most special in my short life.  That’s why it was so good to see him and to hear his laugh at this Texas reunion in 2009.  Ted was flipping burgers at some fast-food joint, which was not the ideal job, but he had a couple leads for good steady work in the area.  He and Heather had land.  And they were on land.  That is, they were not out at sea, which experience had taught us was a good start.  They had dogs, and I saw the baby books in their home.  They were working on something. 
He made it, like he had done as a premature baby.  Together, we were triumphant: Andy Dufresne and Red on the beach at the end of Shawshank with the rest of our lives before us.  The hardest parts presumably behind us.  That evening, we embraced, I said goodbye to him and Heather, and I continued my tour around Texas.  I made it back up to Frost to play beer pong and drive ATVs, and eventually to Uganda and the rest of my life, which not without small hiccups, has been relatively carefree.  
Over the course of those eight years, Ted and I lost touch again, as things tend to go.  Three summers ago, I tried to look him up before I headed back down to Texas for another trip, but I had no luck.  But then just two Thanksgivings ago, he tracked me down.  We started with the navy references and jokes, and his laugh rattled once again, this time through the telephone.
“How the hell have you been?” he asked.  
We were picking up right where we left off at that Texas ranch in 2009.  I told him about him about the two things kicking my rear that fall, like I told all people I knew well enough: my new teaching job at the charter school and the abscess-fistula on my ass.  It seemed like a good war story, and I had gotten practice in telling it.
“And what about you?”  It was my turn to ask.
“Well, the short of it is: After I saw you last, I couldn’t find good work.  Heather was going to leave me if I didn’t.  So, I joined the army.  I wanted to be a combat medic, but it took me a long time for them to let me enlist, instead of go officer.  Then I had a long, unintended stay at artillery school.  Over the course of these years, I’ve deployed three times to Iraq.  The third time there, I came across an IED, and from what I remember or am told, the back of my Kevlar helmet hit the back of my heels. I had all types of injuries, especially back and spine, and I was laid up for months in army hospitals.  In one of those hospitals, I received orders to Afghanistan, but as I was confined to an army bed, I couldn’t go [laugh].  The young, gung-ho guy who went in my place got his legs blown off, by the way.  Still, I have all types of pain.  I was discharged from the army with 100% disability from the VA, and Heather was my VA-designated caretaker.  But in the meantime, she divorced me.  I think she was skimming off the top of those payments.  She has my two boys, only one I know is mine for sure.  I have a restraining order against me now because I beat up one of her boyfriends.  I didn’t want some dude half my age telling my son what to do [laugh].  Oh yeah, my mom died from the cancer that came back, from years ago.  Then, I was back with my dad before he kicked me out.  We got into an argument that was deep-seated, of course, but was set off by Fox News.  I was in touch with my brother, but now he’s out of the picture.  I’m 5’7”, 300 pounds.  It’s hard to sleep because of my back.  I drink too much. And, yesterday, I got this truck for $600 off Craigslist from some guy who was willing to sell it to a disabled vet.  Well, the wheel came off, and I woke up in a ditch with a cracked rib.  But other than that, I’m fine!”
And that hearty laugh as his exclamation point.  I laughed, too, and I might have cried.
“Holy shit...what the hell?...the army?...enlisted?...I thought we were done with the…..”
“Yeah...fuckin’ A.”  And then another raucous laugh.  

After that call, Ted and I were in touch here and there for six months, but I’ve since lost track of him again.  I’ve checked the Texas obituaries and police blotters to make sure he’s not dead or in jail.  I do hope our paths will cross again soon, in person and on land.  In the meantime, from my friend, I’ve garnered some life lessons, life lessons that fall somewhere between the personal and the political.
Like a Steinbeck story or a Springsteen ballad, or heck even one or two Old Testament stories, we learn that our lives are beholden by both our individual decisions and the stations we were born into.  Both the individual choices we sort of have control over and the larger structures we don’t.  For some, it’s hard to escape one or the other or both. 
Maybe the Cadillac wasn’t the best choice.  Less trivially, there were some warning signs with his relationship with Heather, pre-marriage.  Probably the army wasn’t the best option.  Or even the navy the first time, with its promised romance of the sea.  
These were the decisions and stations that broke his heart and broke his body.  And yet at the same time, he entered into each in good faith and with great love.



Saturday, January 19, 2019

Manama

          Andy and I had been drinking for most of the day.  It was my second weekend in Manama, the capital of tiny Bahrain.  We started with the champagne brunch buffet at the Radisson Diplomat.  For thirty dollars--easy to come by for a newly minted Ensign, with no dependents, receiving “hazardous duty,” tax-free pay--I stuffed myself with endless omelettes, Belgian waffles, smoked salmon, fine cheeses, shrimp, steak, and bubbly.  I didn’t ask, but presumably the brunch was not local-Bahraini sourced, farm-to-table--all of it likely shipped in to this air-conditioned, top-story, cushy oasis in the desert.  A diverse crowd gorged itself alongside with me: senior enlisted and other officers from Fifth Fleet not on duty that day, U.S. civilian contractors and vendors, oil men, European and Australian expats, members/friends of Bahrain’s ruling (minority) Sunni elite, and Saudi weekend warriors who came across the King Fahd causeway for a good time, which is slightly harder to find in their Kingdom, at least publicly.  The wait staff was diverse, too, made up of Bahrainis of the non-wealthy-ruling-type and other nationalities, but the servers weren’t doing any of the gorging.  A different weekend, I should try out the Crowne Plaza brunch, one of my new shipmates and veteran brunchers informed me.   
The rest of that day, we hopped among hotel bars with various Filipino cover bands.  We stuffed ourselves again later at the non-halal Friday’s, or Ruby Tuesday I don’t remember, and then finished the night crawling among a row of expat bars.  Eventually, the cab dropped Andy and me off at about 2:30 in the morning.  It was easier just to crash at Andy’s apartment, instead of going all the way back to the Sheraton, my temporary home.  
When we entered the lobby, Ken woke up and briskly popped off the two layers of cardboard that were his bed to greet us.  He wore orange rubber sandals, white basketball shorts, and a stained green polo.  It was an outfit he would wear the next day and probably the following day, too.  Ken greeted us effusively, even genuinely.  He seemed to exude joy, even at that hour, even for our drunk, sweaty American asses.  Or maybe instead of joy, he was nervous--nervous about appearing friendly enough and keeping his job.  He smiled, his yellow teeth shining, his deep brown skin glowing with oil.  He gave Andy a package from the desk, and they traded pleasantries and polite laughs--Ken with his limited English--and then we parted for the evening: us to pass out until ten or eleven in the morning and Ken to pop up briskly again when the next drunk Americans rolled back in (unless we were the last for the evening) and then to wake up by six to mop and squeegee the Manama dust off the lobby floor.  I would sleep on an extra twin bed in one of the two unoccupied bedrooms in Andy’s new, pristine apartment.  Ken would sleep on his cardboard bed in the lobby.  As we headed upstairs, through the closing elevator doors, I glimpsed him easing himself back down onto it.  
Manama, literally translated, means “the place of sleep.”  
   
            For my first sea tour as a surface warfare officer in the navy, I had chosen the coastal minesweeper USS Cardinal (MHC 60), forward-deployed out of Manama.  I said goodbye to family and friends with the expectation that I would be stationed on the Cardinal and living at sea in the Persian Gulf and on land in Bahrain, intermittently, for twenty-seven months.  By the middle of 2004, the war in Iraq had turned ugly for the Americans there.  It turns out that we were not “greeted as liberators.”  I did not exactly know what type of work the Cardinal would be doing.  Were there mines in the Gulf we had to take care of?  Would we patrol and do “forward presence”?  I did not think I would be in any great danger--surface ships were not making their way through Sadr City or snaking through Fallujah--but going to the Middle East, as a member of the military, in 2004, generally speaking, still seemed like a momentous event.  Older, more devout family members prayed for me, and people at my home parish preemptively thanked me for my service.              
          Yet, for almost my entire time in Bahrain, the Cardinal sat tied to the pier, adorned with scaffolding and contracted workers, in a mini-”yards” or maintenance period.  The Cardinal was billeted to have only five to seven officers.  When I arrived, I was about the tenth on board.  The captain made up a job for me.  I became the Electrical and Auxiliaries Officer--”Auxo” for short--not typical on a ship that small.  The days were long and hot, but they were uneventful, which I guess was better than Sadr City or Fallujah.  I read many navy technical manuals, and, because our galley kitchen was under maintenance, I ate many burgers from the Fuddruckers on base.  We also spent many hours cleaning the ship.  
          We cleaned even more because we learned that we were leaving, and we had to pass off a shinier ship.  Shortly into my time in Bahrain, the squadron announced that our crew would be moving to Naval Station Ingleside, Texas, to take over the USS Pelican (MHC 53), and that the crew currently on the Pelican--fully trained and “certified”--would take over the Cardinal.  And so, instead of spending two years in Bahrain, I only spent two months.
Before news of the crew swap though, I actually went apartment-hunting myself for a place in town.  Depending on one’s rank and number of dependents, the navy gives a particular level of overseas housing allowance (OHA).  I only needed a small apartment, close enough to get to base and maybe walkable to some stores.  The women from the base housing office took me to see several spots.  The OHA for an Ensign in Bahrain was pretty generous, I learned.  And, I further learned, I could not get a cheaper apartment and pocket the remaining OHA.  Therefore, the women only took me to places where I could max out my OHA.  We looked at two different, brand new, extremely spacious three-bedroom apartments.
“Are you sure I can afford this?  I really only need one bedroom.”  I was feeling guilty and frugal at the same time.  They reassured me. 
Then, they took me to see a new three-bedroom gated villa, which had its own small in-ground pool.  I met my own potential “Ken,” who took care of the neighboring villa pools as well and did some minor housekeeping, too.  Not even twenty-two yet, not having proved that I was worth a damn yet in the navy (and later to not prove much a damn at all), I almost lived in a new three-bedroom villa by myself, with a pool, in a foreign country, with my own foreign pool-guy, my own “Ken.”  But, the Texas crew swap announcement aborted my villa plans.  Instead, I spent the second of the two months at the Radisson, also at the navy’s expense.  I was now only a couple floors below the endless bubbly--no cab needed to get home.
Terence of Arabia.  This was not the hazardous duty that many back home thought I would be living when they thanked me for my service and prayed for me.   
   
We had a term for Andy’s Ken, for my potential “Ken,” for the ladies from the base housing office, for the workers at “Grand Slam Subs,” for the housekeepers and janitors on base and in apartments, for the men on the scaffolding on our ship, and even for the Russian and Ethiopian prostitutes at Seashells: “TCNs.”  Third country nationals. 
We were from the United States, country one.  We were living in Bahrain, country two.  They were from Bangladesh, India, Pakistan, Nepal, Thailand, Sri Lanka, the Philippines, Ethiopia, or other less-oil-rich Arab countries, country three.   
Ken was not Ken’s name, but he (or we?) Americanized it because his TCN/Bangladeshi name was too complicated.
TCN was both an official and a casual term.  Additionally, brown-skinned TCNs who were Arab or presumed to be Arab (and therefore were presumed to be Muslim) were referred to as “hajji.”  This was an unofficial, derogatory term but used very frequently by us first-country nationals, and often without distinguishing between second-country nationals and third-country nationals.
   
TCNs, hajji and otherwise, still provide vital services to the United States military to this day, in Bahrain, in other countries.  They tend also, conveniently, to be cheaper labor than second-country nationals, certainly cheaper labor than my fellow first-country nationals.  
TCNs build the towers and faux paradises of Dubai and Abu Dhabi.
TCNs are exploited and die building the stadiums for the 2022 Qatar World Cup, whose matches they will likely not attend.        

Money was very liquid and very available for and to me, and yet I provided very little social value to the United States or Bahrain.  As an extra officer on that broken minesweeper, I provided very little military value, too.  And that was as an O-1, in 2004.  I imagine the dollars, today, flowing to and through the upper ranks and on the civilian contracting side are even more available.  Let alone the private sector, be it in Bahrain, the Emirates, or Qatar.  
Money is very available when it comes to war or sport or luxury real estate.  But, it is less available for the workers who build and support the infrastructure for war (or for sport or for luxury real estate).  When Ken or someone like him in Qatar dies, we have plausible deniability, as they have been twice and three times sub-contracted out.
By some people’s math, Ken and other TCNs should “be happy just to have a job.”  (He was by all appearances happy, by the way).  By that same logic, it is argued that maybe they wouldn’t even have a job if it weren’t for the US of A.
While there might be some truth in that, we shouldn't be satisfied with this convenient math, this self-serving logic.    
It’s hard for most of us to imagine alternatives to this economic and political reality, if it crosses our minds in the first place.  That might be by design.  Or, it might be by our inertia.  We remain asleep--passed out, even--and keep going along with the system.  The chasm between this unjust present and a more just future seems vast.  Crossing the chasm, though, first requires awareness and then imagination.    
Likewise, it’s hard to imagine the personal reality of a Ken.  That might be by design.  He is, after all, not one, but two countries removed.  And, it might be by our inertia, too.  The chasm between his sleeping on cardboard in the lobby and our offering one of our extra bedrooms seems vast.  It requires awareness and imagination to offer it.
We didn’t offer Ken a bed to sleep in or something better than the cardboard.  In fact, I thought about it only after the opportunity had passed, years later  I didn’t ask about Ken’s story either.  Not in a sober, middle-of-the-day, genuine way, at least.  I’d be curious to know what he is up to today.  Does he get home to Bangladesh often?  Ever?  When he was a boy, what did he like doing for fun?  What did he want to be when he grew up?  How does he send money home?  How much?  Does he have kids?  Will they venture to do the same travel/work he has done?  If so, by choice?  Has he graduated from late-night lobby duty?  Did he like us?  Resent us?   

“Second-country-” and “third-country-nationals” the world over are showing up on the doorsteps of “first countries.”  Not always, but often because of situations we have created.  These are the harvests of our empires and neo-empires.  With the increasing effects of climate change, more will come.  How shall we reap them? 

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For more on Bahrain:




Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Faithful patriots?

(The following remarks were delivered at Mickey Mouse in Vietnam, a film-based anti-war observance of Veterans/Armistice Day, at the Buskirk Chumley Theater, Bloomington, Indiana, November 12, 2018.)

Thank you, Tim, for this vital event that you’ve organized.  And thank you, dear audience, for being part of this critical conversation.  

    I first want to share a couple anecdotes from my ROTC training, at Notre Dame, about 15 years ago.  These stories are quite ordinary.  They are not glamorous.  They take place in university classrooms--not in Iraq or Korea--but in public spaces that all of us are familiar with.  But because of their ordinariness and their lack of glamor, I believe they are reflective of how most of the public--including most of the military--views war.  I believe they are reflective of how insidious, of how normal, and of how banal, to borrow from Hannah Arendt, militarization is.

My freshmen year as a midshipman, I was introduced to the “controversy” surrounding the annual Pass in Review, a parade on campus conducted by the three ROTC units.   “[It] is a long-standing military tradition where newly assigned commanders get to inspect their troops.”   In the past, I learned, this ceremony had taken place outside in full view of the university, but now it was to be held inside.  Officially, the university cited only unpredictable spring weather as the reason for the move.  But the upperclassmen midshipmen told me that the students of Pax Christi (the Catholic peace movement) and left-leaning faculty were to blame.  These faculty and students did not want the ceremony outside or want the ceremony at all, and so the university moved it indoors as a compromise.  That was the scuttlebut, at least.  The student newspaper covered the “controversy” every year and student op-eds would fire back and forth in the lead-up, and then it would blow over until the next seasonal campus controversy.
In addition to the unit commanders standing on the parade stage, Notre Dame’s version of the Pass in Review involved our civilian priest-president, also “reviewing” the troops and giving a speech.    
Whether or not Pax Christi protest was behind the move, one of the group’s larger aims was to remove ROTC from Notre Dame’s campus and from other Catholic colleges and universities.  
The standard ROTC wisdom retorting the Pax Christi protest was: yes, war is terrible, but sometimes necessary; if we are going to have a military, that military might as well be led by Notre Dame-educated officers; we would be both intelligent and moral, formed by the university’s academic rigor and Catholic intellectual tradition and community, an elite and prestigious community no less; our two required theology classes, two required philosophy classes, other liberal arts requirements, civilian dorm communities, each with its own chapel and liturgies, and high study-abroad participation, to name a couple attributes, would form well-rounded officers.
(But) Our captain my freshman year actually didn’t like this line of reasoning.  Not a graduate of Notre Dame himself, he rejected it on its elitist grounds, taking issue with the implied claim that only the Notre Dames of the world could produce moral, discerning officers.
Nevertheless, I had accepted the standard wisdom, like most of my classmates did.  We would be the philosopher-officers.  I was the self-satisfied self-sacrificer. 

(1/3 Metal Jacket)
Senior year’s “naval science” class was “Leadership and Management.”  During one round of student presentations, a Marine-option classmate played the opening sequence of Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket, of Private Pyle fumbling his way through Marine Corps boot camp.  We laughed at the raucous, not-politically-correct Gunnery Sergeant Hartman and the helpless Pyle.  I think some leadership and management lessons hid somewhere in between the scenes.  Regardless, my classmate probably received an A or a B+ on the presentation.  It was hard not to get A’s and B’s in most naval science classes. 
By the time senior year concluded, I had seen the first third of Full Metal Jacket numerous times.  I recall a different student or maybe one of the other lieutenants showing parts of the film in another naval science class a previous year.  Every so often, someone had it playing in the residence hall.  I chalked it up as a guys’ dorm classic that I was supposed to like but hadn’t really seen, like Animal House or Scarface.  However, from what I remember, it was only ever the first third of the film.  I never hung around long enough to watch the rest.  Did they or we watch the rest of the movie?  I didn’t, not until two years ago in fact.
For those who haven’t seen the film or seen the last two-thirds of it, Full Metal Jacket is brutal to watch.  It is a story of dehumanization on multiple levels.  Private Pyle is dehumanized.  Those were the scenes we laughed at in class.  While we’re maybe supposed to laugh at Pyle getting yelled at by the drill sergeant every minute of boot camp, I imagine Kubrick also wanted us to feel sorry for him.  If that’s not apparent enough in the first third of the film, it becomes starkly evident by the bathroom scene where (spoiler alert) Pyle shoots Gunnery Sergeant Hartman and then shoots himself.  Private Joker is witness to the scene, and then the film shifts, months and miles away, to Joker as a Marine journalist for Stars and Stripes in Vietnam, near the city of Hue, around the time of the Tet Offensive.  
    I don’t think you could, or should, reduce the film and simply call it an “anti-war movie.”  Rather, it seems to follow the rules that author and Vietnam veteran Tim O’Brien wrote about war stories:
A true war story is never moral. It does not instruct, nor encourage virtue, nor suggest models of proper human behavior, nor restrain men from doing the things they have always done.  If a story seems moral, do not believe it....  As a first rule of thumb, therefore, you can tell a true war story by its absolute and uncompromising allegiance to obscenity and evil.

Full Metal Jacket is indeed obscene, both at Parris Island and in Vietnam.  Both are versions of hell, at least for some of the characters.  In order to make war, to make hell, you have to dehumanize: from boot camp at Parris Island to the fighting “in theater.”  From Hartman to Pyle and ultimately back to Hartman in the bathroom, from “Yankee imperialists” to “gooks” and in return, from oversexed men (on all sides) to the vulnerable women caught in between.  From the movie to the real thing, dehumanization makes the whole war spin.  When you watch the entirety of Full Metal Jacket, that seems to me to be the only lesson.  

(Rules of Engagement)
On a different day in class, we looked at a fictional scenario in the movie Rules of Engagement.  Perhaps some of you know this movie.  In the particular scene, Tommy Lee Jones’ men are being attacked.  They do not have the upper hand.  Meanwhile, a little ways away in the jungle, Samuel L. Jackson’s men do have the upper hand.  He has several recently unarmed North Vietnamese soldiers at his disposal.  He orders them to call off the attack on Jones’ men across the jungle.  When they refuse, Jackson kills one of the prisoners.  Finally, the North Vietnamese commander, threatened himself, calls off the ambush on Tommy Lee Jones’ platoon.  
Was Jackson right to kill the unarmed man in order to save his men?  
It was and is a worthy question, and my ROTC classmates landed on different sides of the debate.  There was much discussion of that morality of the moment, but not much discussion of the morality of the historical context leading up to it.  If we zoomed out and asked the morality questions of U.S. involvement in Vietnam in the first place, would that not then necessarily color our response to the Samuel L. Jackson moment?  I had that question and other analogous questions in the back of my mind, in that class, as our country was in year one of the Iraq war.  But, I don’t recall raising my hand. 

(Just War Forum)
Every fall, our ROTC unit would put on a forum about just war theory.  This was how we were different from other ROTC units across the country, we told ourselves.  Who else was having these intellectual and moral discussions?
The speaker every year was Professor Charles Rice, of the Notre Dame Law School.  I actually relished these types of forums and lectures, which would shape me into that philosopher-officer.  Professor Rice would go over the definitions involved in the theory: jus ad bellum, jus in bello, etc.  He would broach particular scenarios in the more distant past.  We would weigh in, and then there was some healthy debate.  While he was mostly very forgiving of U.S. history and policy, I do remember he always held up the firebombing of Dresden, Germany, in World War II as an unjust act.
    In the fall of 2002, our unit held another--my third--just war forum.  Also, in the fall of 2002, the Bush administration was making the case for preemptive war against Iraq.  In the forum, we tackled the annual, requisite jus ad bellum, jus in bello, Dresden, and other historical scenarios.  Then, one of the senior midshipmen asked, “What about this impending war in Iraq?”
    “That’s a good question,” Professor Rice answered.  “And a tough one.  Well, there’s just so much we don’t know, and I think we just have to trust our leaders on this one.”
    The senior seemed less than satisfied with the answer.  “But, would a preemptive war be a just war?”
    “Yes, very good question, but as I said, I think we just have to trust our leaders on this one.”
    And, that was all we said about that.  Five months later, our leaders, whom we trusted, ordered the invasion of Iraq.  

**
Despite its depiction of war as hell, you might still arrive at the end of the Full Metal Jacket and believe that war is morally right in some cases.  That is fair.  Or, after you’ve done the calculus, you might even say that it was morally right in Vietnam, or more specifically in those scenes in Hue.  I would disagree, but fair enough.
You might then add in the historical context, also Vietnam, leading up to the Samuel L. Jackson moment in Rules of Engagement and still not develop the same uneasiness I did.  Also fair.
Your just war forum might actually touch on the war at hand--be it Iraq, be it the next place, Iran?--and you could, conceivably, argue that Iraq or the next war is just.  And although I would strongly disagree, I grant that that would be somewhat fair, too. 
However, if we cut the movie short, we have only the guise of introspection, which gives lie to the moral formation we so proudly claim is happening.  If we do not look at the larger context in which Rules of Engagement takes place, it does the case study injustice.  (The popular movie didn’t ask those larger questions of the public, either).  In class, we look at the case study of the USS Stark, which was allegedly accidentally fired upon by our then-ally Iraq in the 1980s as they fought Iran.  We examine the Stark commander’s decisions, but we don’t talk about the money and weapons (including chemical) we pumped into the Iran-Iraq war.  Those questions aren’t up for debate, apparently.  We look at the case study of the USS Vincennes, in which we shot down an Iranian civilian jet, killing the 290 passengers onboard.  We study the miscommunication and missteps--and I believe shooting down that plane was an honest tactical mistake--but we don’t discuss the larger, strategic question of why our ships are in the Gulf in the first place.  At the risk of sounding glib, you’re bound to shoot down a civilian plane sooner or later with all that military hardware over there.
If we invite only a speaker whose inconclusive conclusions about Iraq we know are safe for our ROTC/military audience, we are not actually holding a forum.  By the way, Professor Rice, what historical examples would give us reason to trust our leaders?  The land-grab Mexican-American war?  “Remember the Maine”?  The Gulf of Tonkin resolution?  Iran-Contra?  The made-for-TV-so-we-can-get-over-Vietnam-syndrome wars in Granada, Panama, or Iraq I?
    You might nevertheless want the university to hold the Pass in Review front and center and therefore show proudly that it “supports the troops.”  In making your case, you might highlight that there are strong historical connections between Notre Dame and the military, most notably when the navy established a training program on campus during World War II that boosted enrollment and provided an economic surge for the university.  Fair.  But, that doesn’t necessarily mean we should have military parades on civilian campuses, or Catholic priests blessing the soon-to-be troops.
    It seems to me that, in a thinking, democratic society, we should be uncomfortable with parades and priests’ blessings of troops, or even football game fighter jet flyovers, for that matter.  That is, we should be wary of any military thing that obscures what the military and war is actually about.
    Furthermore, to not want such military parades or priestly blessings, be it on the quad or indoors, is not necessarily to be anti-military.  For some, maybe.  But, it is to be anti-militarization, which we all should be.   


We all have “dirty hands” (Reinhold Niebuhr) in this “filthy rotten system” (Dorothy Day).  We, as individuals and as collectives, are a multitude of contradictions.  After all, Private Joker’s helmet in Full Metal Jacket reads “Born to Kill” at the same time that he wears a peace button.
We have these contradictions, but we do our best to resolve them.  In military training, or in ROTC training, and in actual-war making, in policy-making, we should try to hold the tension of these contradictions--of competing impulses --and at the very least, make it to the end of the movie.  We should dare to ask the bigger questions.  And ask not just the Dresden 1945 question but also the Baghdad 2003 question.  Intellectual honesty seems to demand that.
 
(Part 2: Critical Yeast)
    In my second year out in the actual navy, I nearly completed and submitted a conscientious objector application.  I was on a broken minesweeper tied to the pier in Ingleside, Texas.  In the end, I did not submit it.  I wasn’t sure I was truly a CO.  And, even though the navy was hard, I was safe and unlikely to ever be in combat. But, I think I didn’t submit it because I wasn’t ready to upend my entire life.  I think I lacked the courage.  
Toward the end of my short naval career and immediately thereafter, I embraced pacifism.  I needed a totality, a worldview that would buttress my wandering mid-20s identity.   With that embrace of pacifism, I mistakenly thought I had to make the case against every war in the past and every war in the future.  Thus, I read and devoured history with an agenda.  It was a heavy burden to prove, and I exhausted myself.  Simultaneously, I was also afraid to engage with people who viewed the world differently than I did--including and maybe especially those still in the military.  Now, while I still admire the saints, teachers, and friends who are pacifist and read their books, my anti-war sentiments are a little more nuanced,... or I should say, honestly, more muddied and confused.  I am probably a de facto pacifist, when you consider most current political contexts and the destruction of modern weaponry.  Because, with such weapons now, can there actually be a just war?
I share this philosophical evolution of mine because, in my conclusion, I want to argue that we need to make common cause with all types of war resisters.
  
Now, seventeen years after my first Pass in Review, when I didn’t give eye contact to the Pax Christi protesters on the sidewalk, I still actually find some truth in the aforementioned Notre Dame ROTC retort: that is, the military, the police, and any people entrusted with power and guns ought to have some larger, liberal arts, ethical training.  
But, that training is not a foregone conclusion.  ROTC at Notre Dame, or insert any school, does not, by definition, make a moral philosopher-officer.    
Catholic ethics gives primacy to an individual’s conscience.  (I briefly share the Catholic framework here, but analogies of this ethical framework exist in other faith traditions and secular philosophies.)  We have the duty to follow our conscience, but we first have the duty to form it.  In short, Catholic ethics recognizes both just war theory and pacifism.  That is, it allows for people to choose to fight in just wars and for people to choose not to fight in any war.  Somewhere in between those two, it also allows for selective conscientious objection, that is, opposition to not all war but to specific wars or war acts.  
The military allows for conscientious objection, for dissenters who are “approved” after a lengthy process.  But, the military does not allow for selective conscientious objection.  There is no protected legal status for such.  You might argue, that institutionally, the military couldn’t allow for such a status--that its discipline in ranks would fall apart.  But, that is the crux.  Until it does allow for selective CO, I have to agree with the underlying logic of Pax Christi and others who want ROTC removed from Catholic colleges and universities and by extension perhaps all colleges and universities.
Could ROTC allow some students to take the just war forums and case studies to their potentially logical conclusions and decide they cannot participate and then bow out of the program?  Among other considerations, there is the financial price tag.  Would a student have to pay back the tuition that the ROTC scholarship covers, tuition that at private universities is now astronomical?  I don’t have good answers.
Is an ROTC education by definition thin?  I guess it doesn’t have to be, but, in my experience, it was.  And I admit, aside from dining hall quips here and dormitory snark there, I didn’t do too much to courageously deepen my ROTC education while I was in the thick (or thin) of it.  

On its face, this all seems like quite the niche, narrow topic: ROTC, Notre Dame, Catholic theology, the military, broken navy ships in Texas, ...that is, my little world between ten and seventeen years ago.  What does it have to do with the rest of us, now?
In short, I believe that the same assumptions, presumptions, and foregone conclusions that made up my mostly thin ROTC education govern popular debate today.  There is a kinship of ignorance between the civilian armchair warriors at home and the military armchair warriors in the blue-light, ship combat control rooms, or in drone control rooms, or the generals and Pentagon civilians in war rooms.  That is, men (usually men) who have not, typically, seen the other end of their missiles.  I see a gravely shallow understanding in the greater public when it comes to war, peace, and patriotism.  For instance, I see this in the vitriol spilled over Colin Kaepernick and the lapse of logic that argues he ipso facto doesn’t support the troops.  I see a shallow understanding of what “support the troops” even means.  I see this in the now whitewashed war legacies of “statesmen,” from John McCain to John Brennan.  I see this in the bipartisan and nonpartisan, never-ending hero worship.  And, all of this maybe we could let go as cultural frustrations, like teenagers’ love of smartphones and Americans’ love of royal weddings.  But, this is not something we can let go.  With such shallow and broken understanding of what war is really about, militarization has moved into all of the cracks and crevices and filled the easy voids.  With that, we are all too primed--the skids are greased--to believe the case for the next war, most likely Iran.  And as distasteful as the regime in Iran can be, especially to its own people, a war there would be catastrophic for them and us.    
What then is one to do?

There are huge cultural currents and policy choices that need reversing, not only, but especially, in our country.  We need to stop the wars in Afghanistan, in Yemen, and in Syria.  Wars where we are directly involved and wars where our weapons are at play.  We need to stop the war with Iran before it begins.  Not only must we stop the wars, we must stop the machine that funds and profits from war.  These are tall tasks.  
Arundhati Roy writes, “Colorful demonstrations and weekend marches are vital but alone are not powerful enough to stop wars. Wars will be stopped only when soldiers refuse to fight, when workers refuse to load weapons onto ships and aircraft, when people boycott the economic outposts of Empire that are strung across the globe. ”
Dorothy Day, the founder of the Catholic Worker movement, called for “a mighty league of conscientious objectors.”  
To achieve Roy’s dream, Day’s dream, our dream, we need critical mass.  In physics, it’s not the quantity. It’s the quality of a particular interaction that creates the replication of energy. Social change theorists have borrowed from physics to describe the critical amount of people needed to make social change.  Say, 30% percent of a population, for instance. 

Critical mass seems daunting.  It is especially daunting with the current president and his reality-show militarism and his flirtations with fascism.  It is daunting even without Trump in the picture because, we know, war is the thing both parties have been able to come together on.  War, sadly, is the elixir that brings the nation together.    
    What we must strive for in the meantime then is what professional peacemaker John Paul Lederach calls “critical yeast.”  Lederach challenges us to ask who, which people, in a situation, “would have a capacity, if they were mixed and held together, to make things grow, exponentially, beyond their numbers?”
    We need resistance on the outside, but strange as it might sound, as cold and non-life giving as the military can be, we need resistance on the inside.  That’s where I want to focus my conclusion. 

    When I went back to work at Notre Dame, in the residence halls, students in ROTC or considering ROTC asked me for advice.  I tried to share my opinion without being heavy-handed: I would say, paraphrased, “even though I was safe and not in combat, the navy was very hard and I was part of an organization that kills, rightly or wrongly, you may decide, but it kills.  Are you ok with that?”  Maybe I should have been more or less heavy-handed, I don’t know.
Now, teaching high school, several Junior ROTC students ask me about joining the military.  (I should add that I teach in a lower-income, primarily Latino, small New Jersey city.  JROTC units are less likely to be find in whiter, wealthier suburbs).  
ROTC and JROTC students or any young person discerning the military: I want to respect their individual consciences--and not be heavy-handed--but I don’t think much conscience formation is happening in the first place.  It’s not necessarily the students’ fault.  It’s the militarized culture that has not left any space for conscience formation.
    My first recommendation to a young person considering joining the military is, not to join.  I don’t think one junior officer or junior enlisted can really effect institutional change.  But, to those who nevertheless want to join and attempt to be courageous, moral, philosopher-soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines, or officers...to those who are in and can’t get out...to those are now financially or contractually entangled...even to those who are in and want to stay in: may you be the resistance.  In this audience or perhaps reading these words later: May you continue to form your conscience.  May you follow your conscience.  May you be resistance,.
Who am I to give this lofty advice?  I didn’t submit my CO application.  I participated in more juvenile rather than courageous acts of defiance.  But, I think resistance inside the military is our only chance of survival.      

We have many examples of critical resistance within the military.
(1) Several years ago, Captain Nathan Smith, US Army, made national headlines when, as active duty stationed in Kuwait, he sued President Obama to force the President to get proper authority from Congress, under the War Powers Resolution, to wage the war against ISIS in Iraq and Syria.  
I know Nathan.  He is the brother of my close friend from the navy.  From this friend, I knew Nathan and I didn’t share the same politics, at the time (at least on the surface level, I knew we didn’t).  So when I read about his case, my knee jerk reaction was, “I wonder if he would have sued Bush.”   Nathan wasn’t as anti-war as me or maybe not even anti-war at all.  He was approaching it from a more constitutional-libertarian angle.  And so because Nathan was coming at this from a different perspective, I dismissed it.  I went into liberal defense mode of Obama.  And, I went into defense mode of my forms of resistance, my ideology, my way of being right.
I think this little encounter is illustrative, though.  I went back to Nathan’s case and realized my mistake, a mistake that perhaps many of us commit: that is, my ideology had gotten the best of me and I initially missed an opportunity for coalition building.  To achieve less war, we may need to put our ideology or our geopolitical worldview aside, important as they are, if just for a moment, in order to make common, just cause. 
With Trump’s inauguration, Nathan’s lawsuit automatically shifted against the new president.  The DC Circuit Court did rule this past summer that Nathan no longer had standing and threw out the case.  They waited until he was no longer in the reserves to make this ruling. However, Nathan was following his conscience.  People inside and outside of the military read about his case and were inspired by his courage.  Maybe more active duty service members will now sue.  Will the court rule that they have no standing?  This is a type of resistance, and it can grow, if we feed it.      
(2) Oscar Romero, Bishop of San Salvador and now officially a saint, on the day before he died, begged the army to put down their arms, to not follow immoral orders, to “stop the repression.”  It’s unclear how many listened to him, but Romero had no choice but to preach those words. 
(3) The Catholic Peace Fellowship and other religious and secular groups help staff the GI Rights Hotline, which advises military members on CO applications and their rights.  This is a type of resistance.
    (4) Israeli soldiers are refusing to serve in the occupied territories.  Not enough of them yet, but these refusals matter. 
(5) Tim Bagwell, the organizer of this event, participated in Operation Dewey Canyon during the Vietnam War, where he returned his medals as an active duty member.  Then, he became a conscientious objector.  (6) You will hear from veteran Gary May later on and his mode of resisting.  (7) Andy Stapp formed the American Servicemen’s Union, during the Vietnam war, as way of building power against unjust orders.  
(8) Susan Schnall, a navy nurse lieutenant during Vietnam pulled off a very creative act of protest.  She saw the US dropping flyers over villages in Vietnam, warning civilians of imminent bombing.  So, back in the Bay Area, she hired a plane and dropped flyers that announced an anti-war demonstration.  She dropped them over Oak Knoll Naval Hospital, where she worked; on the Presidio, the Army base. Over Alameda Naval Air Station, onto the decks of the aircraft carrier USS Ranger. She conducted her protest and press conference in uniform.  
    (9) And Hugh Thompson.  He was the helicopter pilot who saw the My Lai massacre happening from the air.  He landed his helo.  There were Vietnamese civilians cowering in a bunker from the American troops.  Thompson threatened to open fire on his compatriots if they shot at the Vietnamese in the bunker.  The killing stopped, but 504 Vietnamese civilians had already been killed.  Thompson, an actual hero, who was not worshipped, was shunned for many years and not officially honored until 1998.
    (10) Spenser Rapone and Mike Prysner, veterans of Afghanistan and Iraq, have started an anti-war podcast, called Eyes Left, which I highly recommend.  Their message is to active duty members.  They’re calling on soldiers to resist. They’re lifting up these stories of GI resistance and conducting outreach to active duty members who either have decided to resist or who are struggling with the moral questions of war.
(11) Women service members, survivors of sexual assault, have spoken up in the #metoo movement to fight the culture of impunity and toxic masculinity in military commands.
(12) Pat Tillman, the former football player turned army ranger, was killed in Afghanistan in 2004.  It turns out he was killed by friendly fire, but the military covered up the circumstances of his death, in order to hold him up for hero-worship, nationalism, and recruiting reasons.   Last year, as a counterweight to Kapernick and the NFL national anthem protests, Trump held up Tillman for the same jingoism, as a real American or non-”son-of-a-bitch” football player.  Predictably, Trump didn’t know Tillman’s real story.  Tillman joined the army after 9/11, true.  But, he was against the Iraq war.  His fellow ranger, Rory Fanning, tells the story of how Tillman supported him when Fanning applied for conscientious objection.  He talked with and listened to Fanning, while everyone else in the unit had turned against Fanning.  Tillman may not have been a pacifist, but he was resistance (as was Fanning), in the belly of the beast that eventually killed him.     

    (13) In the NATO war game, Able Archer 83, the US and the Soviet Union nearly escalated to nuclear war.  Soviet fighters had been on alert at Polish air bases. Soviet helicopters were moving nuclear weapons from storage sites to launching pads. NATO planes visibly armed with what turned out to be dummy nuclear warheads were seen leaving their hangars, (according to recent declassified documents via the New York Times). Therefore, the Soviets heightened their alarms.  And, according to our pre-planned military doctrine, we were supposed to do the same, in return.  But General Leonard Perroots made his own judgment call and did not raise our status.  He followed his instinct to defuse the situation, even though that meant deliberately not following military doctrine.  General Perroots, having attained the rank of 3-star, was no pacifist.  We don’t know about his other moments, his orders received and his orders given, in that long military career, but in that particular moment, on the brink of nuclear escalation, he followed his conscience.
    (Full disclosure, General Perroots, now deceased, was my wife’s grandfather.)  
    Sure, we need to dismantle the nuclear weapons, and these war games shouldn’t happen in the first place.  Absolutely.  The larger historical and political contexts matter.  That work must continue. 
But as we work towards a world without war, in the meantime, we must incrementally work for a world with less war.  As we try to convince our countrymen that peace is ultimately the only way, we must build coalitions and make common cause, sometimes narrower, with people who might feel differently.  As we try to convince people not to join the military in the first place we must support critical thought, wherever we can find it, within the military.  That is probably the most meaningful “support the troops” we can give.  

And finally that brings us to “Operation Faithful Patriot.”  Military operations usually take loaded, euphemistic, Orwellian terms.  This one is loaded, to say the least.  We are talking about the Trump Administration’s deployment of up to 8,000 troops to our southern border as “support” against the “invading” caravan.  While it is no longer called Faithful Patriot apparently, that phrase hangs in the air and begs the question, begs for reflection.  Faithful patriots?: That is what I ended up naming this talk.   Patriot: How does one show love of country?  Does love of country matter compared to other loves?  Faithful: To whom?  To what?        
This deployment is wrong on many levels.  1. The migrant caravan is not an invasion force.  They are individuals fleeing dangerous situations in their home countries with the intention of legally seeking asylum.  2.  Many of the dangerous conditions they are fleeing, namely in Honduras, Guatemala, and El Salvador, result directly from US policies in those countries in the past forty years.  3.  The Trump administration has been using these migrants to stoke the flames of white nativism, to his party’s electoral advantage.  4.  Deploying troops to the border, on US soil, is forbidden by the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878.  We have, hitherto, mostly, agreed not to use the military as a domestic policing agency, for good reason.  We are not Argentina in the 1970s.  We are not Egypt.   And, 5. Trump has said that if the migrants were to throw rocks at the troops, the troops should consider them as if they’re holding rifles.  That is, the President is insinuating that our soldiers should fire on rock-throwers.  This would be a war crime.  
Spenser Rapone and Rory Fanning (mentioned earlier) are calling for soldiers to resist.  So is Veterans for Peace.  Organizations such as GI Rights Hotline and Courage to Resist are standing by to support war resisters.  While we are hearing less about this invading force, now after the midterm elections, we still call for resistance. Resistance not only in that direct chain of command, heading south, but also... imagine resistance at other commands, across the branches, as a response.  Rightly or wrongly, the great majority of Americans do support the military.  Resistance within the ranks will send a message that will be supported and amplified from the outside.  

As we attempt to build critical mass, to stop the wars, we must find and cultivate these pockets of resistance, of Lederach’s critical yeast, inside and outside of the military.  Pacifists and non-pacifists.  Active-duty members and veterans.  Enlisted and officers.  Combat and support.  ROTC students and JROTC students.  And young people, perhaps in this audience, who despite these warnings, maybe still want to try to serve with integrity.
Can that all add up to stop the current wars, or the potential war crimes on the border, or the next war?  I hope.
But, I can think of no other way.  Thank you.